Sunday, September 28, 2014

Absentism

Why yes, I know I've been MIA.   It's a multitude of reasons.  I can wax poetic about how I photographed a wedding last weekend and then spent the multitude of hours editing them.   Yes, I could say that and it would be absolutely true. 


However, using that as an excuse would be a total stretch of the truth.  The reason I've been absent is the fact that I've just been struggling.   I am torn many times about saying too much on in my posts because I don't like to air my dirty laundry.  The flip side is that I have always operated my blog with total honesty.  So I'll just say it.....I'm struggling.  Big time.

How can I sum it up????    I just think that there has to be more to life than this.  I have moments of joy, peace and happiness.  But the rest of life is just hard.  So many aspects of my life is just wrong that I feel as if I am drowning.  I've written my blog posts about my plans.  And I still am working in that direction (ok, I've been bad and I haven't been utterly disciplined with my writing as I should be.) I just live for the good moments and try to push through the rest of the time.

I saw this sign last night and LOVED it!
My running.....Last week I only ran once!  It was a 4 miler and I should have done TWO of them last week but life happened and the run didn't.  I had a 6 miler on the schedule for this weekend.  That didn't happen either.   Shoes that I LOVE and that I've worn a gazillion times before (ok, maybe not a gazillion) have all of a sudden started to give me blisters.  Friday night my feet were BURNING.  I'm in that stage where the blisters WANT to happen but they are on the cusp.  SO my feet HURT.  I chose to save myself from blisters and not run (any shoes HURT) to heal so that my feet are in good shape for next week.  Yes my 10K is next Sunday.   I am going to try to do the scheduled 2-3 milers this week!  All depends on he blister-age.


Even with the foot problems I did get in a walk with my friend on the battlefield. :-)  Always good o walk and talk.  Wish I would have had a good camera.....it was PERFECT for photographs!!! Oh well, I grabbed one with my cellphone as we walked.  (nope, I didn't break stride)

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Makes no sense

Running really makes no sense.   Sunday I ran.    I ran 5.9 miles.   I felt pretty good.   Yeah toward the end I had a slight pain in my heel (planters fasciitis) and my knee bothered me a bit.   I got home and I rolled my foot on a frozen bottle of a water.  

I then somehow ended up in the hot tub reading.    When I got out Todd and I spent the afternoon out roaming.  My legs felt FINE!

Fast forward to my run Tuesday morning.    It was slower by about 10-20 seconds per mile.   I can let that slide as I did tackle a road that I usually ignore because it's quite a bit more hilly.  But my legs felt heavier than all get out the rest of the day.   What's up with that????   I only did 4.3 miles!  

I was still smiling at the end though.


Bad runs....good runs....they all equal out.  I'm just hoping and praying for a fantastic run on October 5th!!!!

I'm doing GREAT with my training schedule.   I have had to make one or two minor adjustments due to rain or schedule conflicts but I'm doing it!!!


Eating.   I'm still not to tracking and I have broken my 'rules'. So this past week I don't think the weight has been dropping.  (I have been horrid with weighing daily too!)

Last night I skipped Zumba and went home instead.   I immediately fell asleep on the couch and other than a few moments of being a wake here and there I slept all evening and then slept the night through.   Not sure what is up with that...but hopefully my body recovers from whatever.  I'm still feeling sluggish today....I'm vowing to do Zumba tonight though.....







Monday, September 15, 2014

Redo, change, adapt

(yes read through the whole thing, I will talk about weight loss and this journey I'm on to be healthy!!!)

It's no secret that I'm not happy with where life has led me.  No secret at all.  It's also no secret that I would like things to change, but in many ways feel powerless to make he change.  (Means to change, knowledge to know how to make the change and yes, guts to do it).   But that's neither hide nor hare but it does explain why I had this thought in my head , because it's in my mind...a LOT.

What would you do differently were you given a chance to redo your life?

I of course have a handful of answers.  It's easy to roll out the answers, choosing to change the aspects of life that didn't work out as planned.  OF course I would change my college education, probably to journalism and then of course the subsequent career path because we all know how that turned out.  (Poorly!!!!)   But it's easy to say that I would do things differently with the glasses of hindsight firmly affixed to my eyes.  I know how that turned out and of course I'd change it.

But then I started to think totally open and honest about it and I know that I had thought about Journalism before I hit college.  (It's in my journals...and they don't lie!).   Yet I still picked Elementary Education because that was my dream and we SHOULD follow our dreams.  So how WOULD I do my life over if given the chance.

In terms of education I would NOT pigeon hole myself into an education and career path that is so narrow.  I have a degree in elementary education.  Not exactly a degree that offers tons of choices in terms of a career should one choose to not teach.  (Especially in this job market.)  In a redo I would still pursue the education degree but I would opt for a dual major.   Open up my options.  Give myself some room for opportunity.  Yes, probably journalism. (although I did end up with a LOT of history classes...probably enough for a minor had the school I went to offered it...ha ha ha).   The career would follow... based on variables at the time...but my options would have been more open for sure.

Ha...notice I would still choose fields of education that would offer me a passion....and not lots of money.   Money is nice, but it's not everything.  I would far choose happiness over money.  That said, I would take greater steps to insure that my savings was intact and my home what I wanted.However, I am blessed with a roof over my head.   Our place is mortgage free, so I can't complain too much.

I would make some interpersonal relationships that I have.   I would hold the people that I ask into my life to be the kind of friend and person that I try to be . I would stand up for myself more and not wait until I've been used to the point that I'm so thoroughly disgusted and hurt before I turn away.  (And yes, I reached that point today with a friend just today.   I've made plans to go to dinner with this friend..I arrive at the restaurant and she's already eaten..I agree to do her a favor and she shows up 2.5 hours late leaving me sitting in a parking lot for that time.....and today, just another broken promise.....i'm done).  I would......well enough on interpersonal....that's a biggie and well...this is not the forum.

But would I redo everything?  NO, I would adjust and adapt what I did...because at the time I thought I was making the best possible decisions for me.    The really there is only ONE thing that I would change and redo TOTALLY...........

But the big change?????  The HUGE change???? The biggest thing that I wish I had done differently.  I wish I would have lost weight so much younger.  Instead of thinking about it and vowing to do it....vowing to start right after I finish my HO HO (do they still make Ho Ho's?)  And yes I've still got a ways to go, but I know that i'm on he right track.   Furthermore, I would say that I would have wanted to change that couch potato girl into an exercise girl so much sooner.  You see, I realized it yesterday morning during my run and it was reinforced tonight at Zumba.   Exercise is emotionally liberating.   I may have cried on my run yesterday as I thought about something that's happening in my life.  I may have been quiet tonight at Zumba while I thought about this blog post.  But I sweated it out of my system both times......I cleaned out the old and opened my lungs and breathed in the fresh healing air.  (oh hell, that was so utterly corny, but I'm leaving it there!!!!)    But yes, exercise is liberating.   Exercise is also amazing.  I have to say I'm finding that it is absolutely amazing to watch my body and see what it is really capable of.  (really?  did I really run 5.9 miles yesterday??  And I still went shopping and walking with Todd in the afternoon?   And I'm walking and zumba'ing today?   After running?  ME??????  And I'm planning on running in the AM?  HA...no, not Maryfran!!!!!!! Amazing!!!  Maybe it's not out there for me to say I may someday run a half marathon or a full marathon.......because you know what....if I want to do it, by golly I think my body is capable of it!)

A redo isn't possible........but an adaption to my life is.  I'm starting.  I'm starting with the friend that has taken advantage of me one too may times. I'm worth more than her treatment.   I'm starting.  (the weight started when I put down the Ho Ho's).   I may not have the answers.....the means.....the guts to make some changes.  But I"m going to do what I can. Even if it means I have to pass up the Ho Ho's.....dang now I really want a HO HO! (I can't even begin to tell you how long it's been since I had a Ho HO!....I have no clue why I chose Ho Ho's as my focus 'bad food' for today's post....it very well could have been a Twinkie, or a Little Debbie cake or a maybe a  milkshake, ooooohhhh or an Oreo!!!!...ha ha ha)




Sunday, September 14, 2014

Settled the Nerves



I didn't manage to run on Saturday.  It was raining pretty  hard when I left work.  I weng grocery shopping and decided that that running would wait until Sunday.  In fairness, the rain cleared and I could have run later in the afternoon but oh well.  Sunday it was.
I was out on the canal at 8AM on Sunday.  Brrrr, it was chilly!  I LOVED IT!  Perfect weather for running!   I started out and just started to run.   I didn't look at my time, I didn't look at my mileage, I just ran.  (The canal has mile markers so all I had to do was count the mile markers and I knew I would be pretty close to my mileage.)    
I was running in the peaceful morning when a guy on a bike crept up behind me.  He called out that he was 'coming up on your left'.  I jumped about a mile, and he laughed that he was afraid I was going to jump right into the river.  I trucked on.   I felt pretty good.  Before I knew it I had reached the mile marker that I knew to be my turn around point. (I knew I would be over my 5 mile run, but I was actually ok with that.)   I had run every step of the 2.88 miles.  I did walk for a bit at the turn around. I saw a jogger coming up and I didn't want to jog right in front of her....and then I wasted a few moments because I didn't want to jog right on her tail end.   So I waited and then followed her dust.  She was actually only remotely faster than me so I kept her in my sights for about a mile or so on the way back.  I ran the whole way back and I felt pretty good.  I knew that if I ran back to where I started I would be over 5.5 miles.  I knew in fact that I would be pushing 6 miles.  I figured it would be a 2/10th of a mile deficit and I briefly thought about running the extra segment to finish it up.  
However, right at the 5 mile mark I started to feel it in my heel.  Darn Plantars Fasciitis.  (my knees bothered me a bit too at the end)    I made it to the bitter end  and decided to not push the foot.   It was SO stinkin' close too!!!!!!


How amusing to see that I actually got faster....my last first and fourth miles were about the same. I turned at about 2.88 so that's why the third mile was slow...because I wasted that minute or two walking.    But how amusing to me that the last 1.9 miles were faster than anything else.  Go me!  (and that is when I was starting to feel it in my knees and heel!)

I came home and rolled my foot on a frozen bottle of ice......then I got in the hot tub to relax a bit.  By then it was lunch time.  We toyed with going for Mexican, but ended up at a diner because I enjoy a salad that they have.  I really felt the need for something nutritional.  As much as I love the Mexican, I just was craving a salad.                                                                                                                                   The weird thing.  Last week I ran 4.12 miles and my legs felt it all that day and into the next day.  They were just tired and achy.  Today I feel fine!   It was so hot so maybe the achy legs were just a kickback of the heat that just pummelled me.  Maybe it was the hot tub that eased the muscles in my legs today.   I don't know...but I'll take the no achy legs.                                                                                 I'm totally stoked though, because I KNOW now that I CAN complete a 10k.  Yes, I was a few tenths of a mile off of officially running a 10k, but I could have EASILY finished it if I wanted!  So now it's just a thing of keeping running, working on speed and just rolling with the 10k on the day it happens.

IN other news, we ran into Walmart. (don't hate me.....it's the only place I can find my favorite drink mix......Crystal light used to have a cherry pomegranite and I can't find the Crystal light brand...but Walmart carries their cheap version...and it tastes good!)  I call it my 'pink stuff'  and while I should be drinking only water, it adds variety and is better than me drinking Diet Soda.  :-)

But anyway, I digress......I ran into Walmart and low and behold I saw this back in the toy section. (Yes, I walked through the store.......stretching my legs some more....)   I'm a little disturbed by this!!!!!!     I was tempted to get it for my nephews.... but thought that my brother and sister in law may have killed me.  (ha ha ha...whatcha think Alan and Cindy???)





Saturday, September 13, 2014

Same theme

Carrying on the fear theme....


Friday, September 12, 2014

Heading into the Weekend

My eating has been sporadic,but it does look as if I'm holding my weight steady with this new 'not tracking' dealio.  I've seen myself slip a bit through this week though, so I need to totally tighten up the eating.  :-)

I have been filled with self doubt about actually completing this 10k.   I felt so awesome on my run on Wednesday and totally fell apart my next run.  In fairness to that next run, it was on a treadmill (Which I hate) and the room was HOT!  I however am not giving up!  NO, not me.  I'm going to complete this or die trying.  (Ok, maybe death is not a good way to put it, but honestly at this point death or injury is about the only thing that will keep me from it.)  But I'm fearful about completing it.  I'm fearful about being so slow that (whatever my mind conjures up actually happens).    I'm not giving up.  I'm training.  I'm consistently training.  I'm going to do this!      I actually just booked a hotel from for my friend Paula and I the night before the run.  I've spent the money...I'm doing it!!!!

And here is the thing........facing fear in the face and overcoming that fear is awesome for two reasons.  Doing what you are afraid of opens new doors but even more importantly the sense of pride when I overcome is amazing!!!!!!   October 5th at around noon I'll be feeling that awesome "sense of pride!"

Up tomorrow.....a 5 mile run.  I'm hoping the rain holds so that I can run it tomorrow versus push it off until Sunday.




Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Dancing Like Mad

My training is still spot on.  I'm running when I need to run and cross training/zumba-ing when I need to zumba.  I'm resting when it says rest.  I will say that I have had to do some minor adjustment in the schedule.  For example on Tuesday I was supposed to run 3 miles.  I ran that on Monday and did zumba on Tuesday evening.  I have also been adding in an extra run during the week. (I ran on Monday and did my zumba).  I'm a woman on a mission.   Ironicallly enough on Monday I ran and then followed it up with zumba and I had more energy at zumba then I knew what to do with.  I only zumba'ed on Tuesday ad felt sluggish.  Go figure????

The eating is going well.  I'm cognizant of what I'm eating.  Trying to maintain the balance of food, which means a heavy (high caloric) lunch means a light (low caloric) dinner.    I've had some days where I've just been flat out hungry.  And some days where food hasn't had a grip on me.  Ironically enough on Monday I wasn't all that hungry.  Yet I ran my three miles in the morning and did zumba in the evening.   However, on Tuesday I was ravenous.   I still didn't eat crazy.  (Egg and cheese sandwich for breakfast, turkey and cheese wrap with some applesauce for lunch, pudding cup for a snack and turkey burger , rice and applesauce for dinner.)   It made sense to me though,  because on Monday I burned a ton of calories and I KNOW I didn't eat a ton (waffle and hashbrowns for breakfast, protein banana shake for lunch, grapes for a snack, a grilled cheese and pretzels for dinner).

Yes, I'm falling down on the fruits and veggies....gotta beef those up!

Meanwhile, this morning I powered through my run.  I did NOT give in to the mental mind game to 'walk' the one incline that I usually have problems with.  I have KNOWN that it is a mental game and today I was determined to power through it.  I had a nice intervention.   A friend texted me right as I hit the bottom of the incline.  I fiddled with my phone to take a picture of myself (never missing a step)


I then texted the picture and a few words back.  By the time I was done with that, I found myself halfway up the hill.  Yes, I later thanked that friend!!!!





I got back to the car HAPPY.  I ran every step and I didn't stop when I hit the three mile mark. I was only scheduled for three miles and yes, I knew when I hit it.  However, I ran until the spot that I had decided to run to.  And weirdly enough, I probably could have gone longer.....in all honesty.  (my legs may differ, they are tight and achy again today)


I had a slight problem on my run.  I sweated...BAD...and it looked like I peed my pants. What in the world?   I have a picture, but I think I'll pass on sharing it.  HA HA HA....ok, what the heck!


So my pace is still freakishly slow but hey, I'll take it!!!!!!!